DREAMS OVER ZERO: COFFIN

THE COFFIN PROJECT

Yes, I have built my own coffin.
And yes, I do sleep in it often.
I sleep with the lid up,
Because when I get up,
A sore nose is no way to start off in.

Time Frame: February - April 2000

Trundling all that home from the lumber store in a Volvo sedan was a hoot. Then I had to cut the planks for the base and the top -- I live in an apartment, so I don't have a woodshop, just a handsaw. I took them outside to the playground area (in the middle of February, no less) and cut them down there.

Kick-ass floor lamp courtesy of my pal, Queen Lisa L, who really, truly didn't want it anymore.

Then I had to cut the planks. "Eyeball the angles, and pray" was my motto-of-the-week.

A little ebony varnish (ok, a lotta ebony varnish -- boy, that stunk up the place!), get out the acrylic paints, cover with high-gloss when finished, add handles, hinges and an attractive lining...

...and voila! The world's most elaborate cat-bed!

Cost:
About $100 for lumber, varnish and hardware.

Time:
Two or three weeks total; more like three months what with all the other things I was trying to do at the same time.

The Look on Peoples' Faces When They Come Over for the First Time:
F' ing Priceless.